Living on

My grief has been dormant, just like the winter invites so many things to go dormant, at least for a while. The kittens - Jacques, Emma, and Sydney (Baby Bear has a proper name now) are 8 pound whoppers suddenly. Their baby days seemed to have passed so quickly. Despite their growing size, they are still babies though and always will be. Still, daily memories of Sassy persist, many of them happy. Lately though, I have been remembering her diagnosis and the progression of her illness. I just wish I could go back in time and be there for her even more. It's odd to wish for this because as my husband points out, we really did try our best the first time around. What I long for truly I guess is to sit next to her again, and pet her beautiful fur, and to bring her comfort. We shared a special connection. I notice more and more though that that connection lives on, in my heart and just in general of course, but also it seems to live on in Jacques. I feel like Sassy sent him to me to carry on, to live on. The way he looks and some of his mannerisms are the same, and particularly his gentle spirit seems to emulate Sassy's. This is a huge comfort and a huge connection, as I continue to learn more and live on.