Time does not heal,
It makes a half-stitched scar
That can be broken and again you feel
Grief as total as in its first hour.
-Elizabeth Jennings
After having some good days recently - days where I remember all the happy times with Sassy - I experienced some raw grief again. Knowing how much I love Sassy, although these moments are painful, I also encourge myself to fully experience them. They help me to get in touch with the depth of our relationship and the impact this small girl had on me, and the world really. And believe me, though she was small, the impact was not so small. It was a giant.
The quote by Elizabeth Jennings is powerful to me because it really does capture the experience of a deep grief. Time does smooth over wounds - it stitches them up and you move on. Then those stitches break or come loose, and you are back to the original wound. I really don't think the wound ever heals. And should it? We look at being wounded as a bad thing, something to be overcome. But I'm not so sure about that. Sure, I try to go on with my life, and continue to find love and joy in the world.....but to me grieving -- that sobbing, gut wrenching earthquake at the bottom of my soul -- is the witness that she was here, she is here eternally, and we loved fiercely, uniquely, and with such deep bonds.
1 comment:
What a wonderful post.
I know this post is over 2 years old but it really spoke to me. It parallels what I am going through at the moment in grieving for my beloved Dimi who died on November 3, 2009. She had lymphoma too, but was in remission.
I suspect though that the treatment hastened old age & her ultimate end. After several months of chronic infedctions and many scares & much worry she became increasingly frail.
When her feet started to slip out from under her when walking & negotiating corners was difficult I made the decision to let her go gently
I still grieve deeply and still experience the raw emotion of her loss anew. Like your Sassy, my Dimi was special and helped me through much.
Thankyou for sharing your experience.
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