Making new friends

I've been out of town for the last 10 days or so, most of which I spent at my friend's house catsitting Winnie and Tigger. This was my first foray into 'cat world' post-Sassy. I was reluctant at first and even thought about canceling my trip (my visit to do a teacher training coincided with my friend's 1-week trip to see her sister in Texas). I wanted to cancel my trip for many reasons: I didn't want to leave Grayson, I didn't want to see new cats, and although the training was to be inspiring I'd heard, I quite frankly did not want to be inspired. I had successfullly insulated myself in my grief for my beautiful girl Sassy.

One thing of particular concern: Tigger and Sassy could have been first cousins or sisters, their resemblance to one another is/was so striking. The week went well though because what I discovered is that I have so much capacity for love. I still had room in my heart to hug and kiss Winnie and Tigger, to play with them, to spoil them (I bought them a new toy and gave them a little wee bit of tuna on the side -- shhhhhh. Hope my friend is not reading my blog. It got to be a problem b/c Tigger started to expect this of me and I had to undo my spoiling towards the end).

What most struck me is something I already knew to be true but somehow found all the more important once experienced: although Sassy and Tigger look alike, it was so clear to me that they are not the same. To a non-cat person I am sure there would be no difference. But to me, they were so different in personality and in subtle physical traits that I embraced Tigger and still knew my Sassy. I could pick her out from any line-up, any crowd, any moment. I knew her yesterday; I will know her tomorrow and forever really. When Sassy died, it felt like my own child had been taken from me forever. It has taken time and will continue to take time but slowly I am starting to believe that really, she will be with me forever.